To my Brothers and Sisters,
I bet you all thought you’d never see another one of these from me, right?
Truth be told, I haven’t written much of anything lately. For a long time I
simply didn’t want to. I still don’t want to, necessarily, but I believe this
is a case where I need to do something. The ability to write, to express my
thoughts and feelings with words, is a gift God has given me. And it is a gift
I cannot ignore right now, despite the fact that what I have to say might mean
that I lose friends. Things at my workplace might even be affected by this. I
don’t know. I have no idea how anyone is going to take what I have to say. But
that’s just it. I have
to say it.
Why did I leave Summitview? Several months ago, when I left, I explained my
actions as following God’s calling. That was, and remains, the truth. I felt
God leading me in a very particular direction, and I had to follow. It was a
direction away from Summitview, away from many of my closest friends, and away
from several areas in which I was ministering.
This analogy was related to me by a friend who was having a hard time
understanding why I left: “Paul, it’s like we were right there, in the same
army, fighting right alongside each other. Then, all of a sudden, you just ran
off. You ran away from your comrades-in-arms, away from the battle. And, of
course, I’m gonna run after you and try to get you back.”
The analogy is a good one, and one I will probably stretch to its
breaking-point. But here goes:
Yes, I left. And I apologize with all my heart to anyone who feels as though I
abandoned them. That was never my intention. As a leader, I would not have left
if I had not had utmost confidence that each and every one of the people I was
leading would find other leaders. And, I must say, leaders who are better
equipped than myself. My unit was disbanded, so to speak, and my troops were
relegated to other units. There is a reason you were in my unit in the first
place, though, and I tried to do the best I could with what God gave me. I hope
that you were able to learn something in our time together. Even if that
something was small, if it brought you even one inch closer to God, then it was
time well spent.
There. That’s stating fact. I left. But it is not answering the question that
seems to be the problem: “WHY?”
I’m sure there are people who believe they know why I left. Whatever reasons
you believe I may have had, I would urge you to remember this: “The Lord does
not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but
the Lord looks at the heart.” I’m not trying to preach to anyone, or appear
proud or arrogant or as if I have all the answers. I would only ask that
everyone be very careful not to assume to have knowledge they do not, or to
jump to conclusions even when that conclusion may seem obvious.
I was transferred to another unit, really. I’m still in the army, still
fighting. Just not right beside you anymore. This particular unit in God’s army
just wasn’t where I belonged.
The thing is, I asked for that transfer.
For months, I had been struggling with certain things I was seeing at
Summitview and in GCM as a movement. I will try to outline them as best I can.
There is an attitude of pride within Summitview and GCM. Sometimes it is
subtle. Sometimes it is stated outright. I don’t know if the attitude can be
blanketly titled as “pride” or “elitism” or even if there is a term for it. It
carried over into an attitude of devotion that was at times shocking. People
have tailored their lives around this church. They have chosen careers that
would allow them to move with the church. They refuse to move to a town that
doesn’t have a GCM church. They choose a wife or husband based on that
individual’s commitment to GCM. We were told at our fall retreat that “If you
are not totally committed to your local church, you lack courage.” And that
“every time you change church families, you are damaging a part of your soul
forever.”
I understand that commitment to the local church is important. Where would an
army be if every soldier thought they could just walk away and find somewhere
else to go whenever things got difficult? We are in a war; there is no mistake
about that. I know it is important, even vital, that a Christian is “plugged
in” somewhere. Finding somewhere he or she can belong, can serve, is something
every Christian man or woman should do. Finding a group of people you can grow
with and minister with is an amazing blessing in a Christian’s life. But the
difference between GCM and “the Church” referred to in the New Testament has
become blurred in many areas. Great Commission Ministries is only a very small
piece of “the Church”.
Great Commission Ministries is a way to serve God. It is a way
to grow closer to God. It is a group to belong to. But the mindset seems to be that GCM is the way. It is the church. GCM has the answers, has the best way to do things, and
other churches are seen as sub-par. Other churches will not get you as close to
God as a GCM church will. Whenever such attitudes cropped up the first thing I
felt was fear. Should I feel this, too? Should I not? Proverbs 3:34 scared me a
lot. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” I used to struggle
a lot with this in my conversations with God. Was this real pride I was
encountering? If so, what was I supposed to do? Was this really an army I could
fight in, or would even want to fight in?
During my time at Summitview, there were at least two sermons given on the
concept of “putting God in a box.” We aren’t supposed to put limits on what we
believe God can do in our lives. Yet isn’t that exactly what we’re doing when
we adopt the belief that any one particular church, any one particular
movement, is the best at anything? Isn’t it possible that God can, and does,
use other churches outside of the GCM movement? A unit of infantry doesn’t even
come close to doing everything necessary for an army to be effective. There are
suppliers, officers, chaplains, medics, cooks, messengers. GCM cannot fight
this fight alone. Yet they almost seem as if they would rather have it that
way.
Something I read really alarmed me. Rick Whitney was writing about the history
of GCM and said the following: “We became devoted – actually we became addicted
- to the church and how God could use each of us, working as a team, to impact
our world.” It sounds great, except that something about it rubbed me the wrong
way. Then I realized what it was. The word addicted --- in Webster’s we can
find this definition: “A persistent and compulsive use of a substance known by
the user to be harmful.” It’s wonderful to be on fire for God. As Christians we
should be devoted to our God heart, mind, body and soul. But an addiction is
never, ever
a good thing. Addictions do terrible things to a person’s mind and
the body God gave them. An addiction can make a person blind to the bigger
picture around them.
I’m not arguing against GCM’s methods, per se. Sharing the gospel with
unbelievers. Praying for a certain amount of time every day. Reading your Bible
and having more “quiet time” with God. Being accountable to other believers.
All of these things certainly are effective tools in a Christian’s life. What I
am arguing against is the attitude with which some of these methods are
presented and put into practice.
This is something the leadership at Summitview and within GCM has been very
careful to discuss. The idea of legalism, in words at least, is something
carefully avoided. But it is there. Checklists can be effective tools to get
people to accomplish something. But looking at that little box, and thinking
about the chance to mark that box out with an X, can transform people’s
intentions quickly and subtly. They may not even realize their attitudes are
changing until they already have.
I have felt a calling to pursue a very specific ministry with my life. Part of
that pursuit includes going to seminary. After a long time spent in prayer, I
honestly believe seminary is a direction the Spirit wishes me to go. But when I
presented this desire to the leaders of the church, I felt as though that
desire was downplayed, even discounted. I was presented with alternative
choices, paths that would keep me at Summitview despite the leading in my
heart. To their credit, at one point in the conversation the leaders stepped
back and told me that they would not try to stand in the way of where I felt
the Spirit leading. But the next subject that came up was the importance of
submitting to church leadership. Such turns in conversation seem to be too
convenient, and have happened on more than one occasion. I was also told that
it would be a mistake to take a step in another area of my life without
explicit counsel from them. I felt as though I was being told that I could not
be trusted to hear from the Holy Spirit myself.
Ah. Perhaps here we see a problem. I quoted the verse about man looking on the
outside, and God looking at the heart. And yet here I am making a judgement
about someone’s motives based on what I can see and hear.
Only I am not the only one, am I? If I were, I would not necessarily blame you
if you paid little heed to what I’m saying. But there have been others who have
disagreed with GCM’s practices, even labeled them as spiritually abusive or
controlling or descriptive of a cult. Please do not handle this situation as if
it does not exist, or as though there is no problem. 1 Timothy 5:19 tells us
that we should not “entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is
brought by two or three witnesses.” To whoever it was in Fort Collins who wrote
the website, I have now added my witness. Only I am not bringing accusations
against any one particular elder. I am attempting something even more
difficult: to bring accusations against GCM’s methods and practices, their
ideology even.
The creator of the website may or may not have been approached about a
disciplinary issue and therefore reacted out of anger. I personally am taking
issue with the way his perspective was discounted before it was even presented.
Again, there was a judgement of someone’s motives without any real knowledge of
them. The website’s accusations have been labeled as “silly things”. I
disagree. The accusations were about elitism, pride, control, blind devotion.
Every single one of them things that any movement of churches should be quick
to discuss and to avoid.
There was also discussion of the invalidity of the website’s arguments because
their “witnesses” were all anonymous. I don’t believe this discredits what the
website is trying to convey. Think about this: If you were outside of a group
and were attempting to maintain relationships with people still in the group,
would you really want your name attached to something this controversial? Those
relationships would suffer, possibly end. People do not normally willingly put
themselves in a position to be ostracized.
Here we come to the reason I have stayed silent for so long. I value your
friendships and was trying selfishly to hold onto them. A friend once told me
that he would be willing to sacrifice “our friendship to be sure your walk with
God is OK.” I couldn’t do that for a very long time. I struggled with
questions: If GCM does
have cultish tendencies, how can I leave without taking
everyone else with me? If there are doubts about the leadership of the church
or their movement, how can I leave without bringing those doubts forward and
making sure they are dealt with? Why would God allow me to feel so right about
my decision but then not give me peace about what I should tell others? I think
perhaps it just wasn’t time yet. I guess I also wasn’t really sure that I could
trust God with my relationships. But I can. I have given our friendships and
our camaraderie to the Lord. If He wishes such connections to continue, they
will. They will continue despite anything else that may happen. If not, then
His will be done. But I cannot stay silent.
So how do we deal with this? How do we deal with a situation in which each side
believes themselves to be following God and yet there is such confusion and
disagreement? The issue at hand is really our own personal faith in God. Do you
trust God to put you in a spiritual environment that is the right one for you?
Do you trust your leaders? Do you have faith in what God has planned? Do you
wish to answer these questions yourself or provide a canned answer?
Let me make sure one thing is clear: I am not perfect. I try every day to grow
and become more Christ-like, but I still do not have the walk with God that I
could. I lie, I cheat, I steal. I sin. And you know what? I could be wrong
about everything. I am not so naïve as to believe that God always makes
everything crystal clear to me. In many cases I can only do what seems to be
the best, what seems to follow God’s will. That’s all any of us can do, really.
We have to follow God to the best of our abilities.
But when we roll over and allow others to tell us what the Holy Spirit’s will
is for our lives, that is not following God. It is following man. The most
common verse we were given in GCM about this issue was Hebrews 13:17 --- “Obey
your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who
must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden,
for that would be of no advantage to you.” Our leaders have been appointed by
God. I won’t argue that. But, as a soldier in GCM’s unit, you still must have
the presence of mind to dodge the bullets being fired at you. I don’t believe
you are making things difficult on your leaders by looking out for yourself.
If you wish to visit the website, the address is
www.gcmwarning.com. Take it or
leave it, believe it or don’t, but it is still someone’s voice asking to be
heard.
Let me make another thing clear. I have no desire to slander, or to gossip, or
to do anything at all to break down GCM as a movement. What I want to do is
urge everyone to make your own decision. Don’t allow someone else to tell you
what to believe. Examine each side of an argument before coming to a decision.
Have faith that God will make the wrong path clear to you as well as the right
path. Never assume you are on the right path just because it seems like it or
because someone has told you it’s the right path. If something about your
church doesn’t sit right, ask questions. If God gives you a conviction about
something in your life and you can follow that conviction in a Godly way, do so
without hesitation. If a particular issue arises, don’t be afraid to bring it
up and voice your concerns. I believe Steve and Perry are godly men and will
address any of those questions or concerns you may have. But allow for the
possibility that God may want you to devote yourself to a movement that is not
GCM. Or he may want you exactly where you are. I cannot answer that. Your
ultimate destination as a servant of God is between you and God, no one else.
If that destination is within the GCM movement I would offer you this
challenge: devote yourself mind, body, heart and soul to God and do everything
in your power to make sure GCM is a movement completely free of pride and
elitism and control. If such concerns about GCM are valid, begin a change in
yourself first. Then do what you can to spread that change to everyone whose
life you touch. Change things from the inside.
If your destination is away from GCM, don’t be afraid to take that step. It’s
terrifying and most certainly a challenge to anyone’s faith. But God will take
care of you. And He will take care of whoever remains in GCM’s unit. Read
Romans 8. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
We are enlisted in God’s army. And we are all involved in a fight to the death.
But our orders are not all the same. Don’t assume you’ve gotten your own orders
just because the soldier on your right and the soldier on your left have both
gotten drafted into the infantry. Maybe you’re supposed to be a medic. Maybe
you’re supposed to be a messenger. Maybe you’re supposed to be a sniper. Who
knows?
God does.
Wherever your path lies, take time to pray and give such decisions to the Lord.
He will be that lamp on your path if you let Him.
I love you all and want only God’s best for each of your lives.
Your Brother in Him,
Paul Willis